SEO in 2092

OK so you’ve made it through the hydrogen wars of the 2080s, life is an anarcho-libertarian fever dream space opera, and you’re wondering, “do title tags still matter?”

I’ll be frank here, manually labelling and categorizing information is so 2064. Not only has the user’s decision about what to search been outsourced with proactive contextual inferencing, so has the content producer’s decision about how their site is structured/interlinked.

That means that in a given user session, the only constant is the corpus, and everything else reflows. The corpus here means the entirety of information you have – not just text, but also images, video, even your iframe holograms. On each interaction with your user, you need your corpus to reflow, automatically structured via your lightweight improvisational context tree, or LICT.

Atwood’s Law, which states that any application that can be written in Javascript eventually will be written in Javascript, is still being proven correct, and your Lictionary is no exception.

The above chart is old news to most SEOs but it still holds true today.

So you’re thinking — that’s all interesting, but what action items can I recommend for my client’s crypto-law website? Ok, let’s talk conversion rates.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the people of Mars. Studies show that many of them make up the 1% of Internet Explorer users. Make sure you’re using polyfills so your automated sensory conversions work correctly for them. I noticed a 20% increase in Martian conversion rate after optimizing my client’s terraform kits website for IE.

If you need help with polyfills, you can find plenty over on PolyfillOverflow. Yes, its a pain to have to significantly expand your codebase just to cater to a few IE users, but because everyone else is skipping it, thinking IE will die, is exactly why you should do it.

The corrective inference array provides users results mixed with what they think they want and what they should want in order to get by with a hardscrabble life in the plasma mines.

Let’s face it, 80% of your users are mining plasma 16 hours per day. They don’t need to waste their precious free time deciding which phase reverter site provides the best product specs, they just need phase reverters that don’t crap out in the middle of the rebellion.

In my opinion, too many SEOs are over-focused on getting those corrective inference results. No disrespect to the mighty Algo, hallowed be thy name, but there are still conversion opportunities in those search results that aren’t correctively inferred.

Yes, the correction array will catch those users eventually, and they will be arrested and brought before the Emperor’s Tribunal for their thought crimes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make your phase reverter client some money along the way. Just sayin!

Anyway these are my thoughts for what it means to be an SEO in 2092. If you found this useful, please share.

Hey, thanks for reading. No, I was not on any drugs while writing the above. It was just a bit of fun. I was inspired by sportswriter Jon Bois’ delightfully disorienting speculative fiction, Football 17776. I encourage you to check it out if you like this kind of thing.

2 replies on “SEO in 2092”

Same here, Tripp. I admit I was venting a little — at the time I was also writing some javascript that I realized wouldn’t run correctly on IE. The stats vary, but there is a nonzero percentage of IE users still out there. I annoyedly rewrote part of my code so it would work for those IE “edge” cases (pun intended), feeling like I was back in 2016.

The good news is, it looks like Microsoft will officially retire IE next summer.

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